Precious Gem

It was February 8th 2015. Everyone was waiting and waiting outside the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). It was an especially intensed day for everyone because the doctors have got things to discuss with us, the immediate family members.

At last, the doctor-in-charge of grandma came out and invited us to have a seat inside the conference room. I sat at a very corner while grandpa, mom and other aunts and uncle in front of the doctor. She explained grandma's condition. The conclusion of the discussion was to unplug the machine that was supporting grandma. She was depending on the machine to live. Just like Emily. But, grandma was very old already, even if her internal organs are failing, the doctors don't recommend her for dialysis.

I remembered wearing the Uniqlo grey snoopy pullover with shorts. I cried in silent and kept wiping the tears off my face using the sleeves. I cried till my nose blocked and I cried till I felt that I was drained and no more tears could fall out. I can't accept reality. The doctor had said that after the machine is removed, the rest will have to depend on grandma. On her will.

After the discussion, I wore protection gloves and whatever they call it, and stood outside to watch over my grandma through the glass panel. I broke down, because at any moment she could be gone. The day couldn't be any better. Everyone cried because they knew her time is up. Everyone started planning for her funeral, making plans for funeral, discussed where they would want her ashes to be placed at, which photo to use for her funeral and which of the clothings are her favourite so they can burn it for her.

After they removed the machine and everything, they transferred her to an isolation ward. I wanted her to wake up and look at all of us, talk to us. Maybe the last proper sentences she said to us was that she hope that we can all live in harmony. The day she had said that frightened me because it felt like she was leaving any time soon, like she was already prepared to leave after she had said her last words.

February 9th 2015, I went to school like usual because it was Monday. Not many people knew about my family issue. Nobody knew how worried I was. After school, I went home. Before I went to bathe, mom called and said that grandma had already left. She left us. She passed away. She left us. She's gone. Forever.

After we were ready to go, we went to pick my aunt and cousin as she was not in a condition to drive upon receiving the news. I cried in car on the way to the hospital. The silence was scary and hostile. I hated it. I hated the fact that grandma had left us. So early. Too early. And i'm not ready to accept the fact. I can't.

When we reached her bed, she was lying very still. I cried, I cried hard. Mom said, no one had seen for the last time when she left. She didn't leave any words or wish behind. She left in a hurry. And I wasn't ready to let go.

I miss her. I miss everything about. I miss how she nag me to always go to bathe after school. I miss how she always would buy nice food for me as lunch. I miss how she would always wrap my lunch in towel to keep warm and wait for me to end school. I miss how she always brings me to the wet market to shop. I miss how she would always take good care of me. I miss the times when I stayed over at her house and she would always abandon grandpa and sleep with me. I miss how she would always give me her jacket, afraid that I would catch a cold. I miss her cooking. I miss her sharing her kampong life with me. I miss how we interact in dialects. I miss how I helped out in the kitchen with her while she prepare dinner. I miss how we celebrated my birthday last year, which happens to be the last time. I miss her. I really do. I miss everything about you. I just wish you're in a better place right now.

10 Feb to 13 Feb, was her funeral.

15 February, was her birthday.

And now, she is no longer able to have us celebrate it for her.

Plans

Hey guys, i know i haven't been on my blog for quite some time. I know i had promised you guys that i would update my 2nd story on Wattpad (ILWD) asap during this one month holiday but apparently, unfortunately, i'm gonna have to break that promise.

 

I will complete the story, just not by the end of this month. That, you'll have my word. As i'm not going to put much effort on Wattpad currently, i'm going to start writing small & short stories and blog them, instead of writing one with lots of chapters & post it on Wattpad.

 

I hope you guys will understand. And so, some short update about how am i currently...

Well, i burnt myself trying to play with fire. Now, lessons learnt & i'm probably going to try this - distance myself from everyone, yes everyone & ton down (meaning talk less). Because my feelings seem to be over-sensitive and i overthink a lot which cost me to lose something i didn't knew that could happen so fast. Well, let's put it simpler. It's all my bloody frickkin' fault. All the faults are in me & it's always me. Always about me & me.

 

Alright folks, i'm gonna give you some "da-bomb-excitement". The new upcoming short story i'm gonna post about is "CAFÈ LOVE". Hahaha oh my god, don't ask me for sneak peaks because i can't give. Why?? Because i only thought about the plots in general, not in details yet. Moreover, i thought the title seems cool so i just decided that i want to write about some shitty cliché romance in a cafè.

 

Well, i'm already on the third week of my holiday & yeah things happened, shots fired. But i'm still doing pretty good (except that maybe now i'm friendless) hahahahahaha maybe only. And i hope you guys are doing well.

 

 

(P.s.)

 

 

Have a lovely day 

 

 

E.