Time-restricted Love

Hi guys, i'd have to apologise in advance for this post is gonna be a depressing one. You've been warned so i'm fine if you don't wanna read this.

I know i've mentioned that i wanna start anew with happy posts but i can't. Please just tolerate me on this one and pardon me.

Things are like getting worse after each year. I don't wanna mention my pasts.

So this post is about my beloved grandmom.

My grandmother is an amazing, beautiful, awesome, kind-hearted, noble and one & only. She always gives us the best, regardless getting nothing in return, not a word of thank you for the food she cooked, regardless of eating the cold leftovers, she would still leave the best and hot dishes for us. (( ^ sorry if those didn't make gramatical sense ))

She used to pick me up around 6 plus in the evening when i'm at the child care. She used to piggy back me home despite being fatigue when i'm sick and too lazy to walk home. She would bring me to the wet market and teach me how to see the freshness of fish, the nicest and juiciest fruits and vegetables and the wet market is where held our fondly memories. That's the place i grew up in, with her. I get to learn dialects and i get to meet her friends (aunties and uncles).

I recalled that there's once i got lost, but this friend of hers (an old uncle who has problem on his leg) comforted me and waited with me. At last when i saw her, she was panicked as well but was relieved when she saw me. It really was an impossible fear of losing her. That foreign feeling when you got lost with your family when you were just as young as 5 or 6 years old.

I used to sleep over at her house, sleep with her on her and grandpapa's bed. She would always make hot milo for me during supper and dip the cream crackers in. She likes to fried the chinese sticky cake with eggs for us. She likes to shop alot, especially during Chinese New Year. She would shop for those crackers, seafood, all sorts of goodies that are expensive and nice.

I used to help out at her kitchen though she likes to chase me out because she feared that i would get scalded. She often come out with excuses to chase me out, like helping her to clean the utencils, giving calls to my parents asking when they're coming back or remind grandpapa to buy newspaper. I used to snatch her job - "frying" chicken wings, vegetables or stir the soup and she would always pretend to be angry but still let me have the chance to "cook", unless i really screwed up and ruin her masterpiece.

I used to help her slice vegetables, deal with prawns, marinate chicken or fish and more, like passing her ingredients, helping to chop garlic/onions/gingers. She would give me tips about whatever the procedure is needed for whichever food.

She used to buy me pink piggybanks for my birthday and last year (2014) was the last time she celebrate my birthday with me and my family.

I will never be able to taste the curry fish head, vegeterian meals, sweet corn soup, loutus soup, herbal chicken soup, fried rice, salted cucumber with chilli, spicy thai mango, steamed fish, fried chicken wings, fried pork chop, fried fish, lady's fingers, salted prawns, spicy sambal fish/sotong and more and more.

She would always get me the best and nicest lunch for me to end school and come home to eat. She would use towel to wrap the food up to ensure it stays warm.

She is the best grandmama you would ever have. She is noble, so noble that she would bear all hardships and sufferings for herself. She hanged on for too long. She is my momma. If i have choice, i don't wanna let her go. But she's suffering, we don't have a choice. I just hope Buddha will take care of you. Please be safe and sound. Please take care. I don't wanna say goodbye.

I wanna feel your touch again. I wanna run into your embrace again. I want you to talk to me. Tell me it's gonna be alright. Tell me you'll be fine. Tell me you're gonna be in good care. Don't give up.

Ma, i love you 💞👼😔😙

xoxo