Step up your Life.

Hi all, so I'm back with a new post. Special shoutout to that anonymous who left a message at my previous post, asking me to stay strong --- thank you so much, that little gesture did made me feel a little better (:

Chinese New Year isn't that joyous this year, well maybe because none of us is in the mood and I've got lots of homework to catch up. I failed my Chemistry test, which I barged into class 10 or 15 minutes after they started the test, I only have like 10 minutes to do the test, besides I didn't know about it so technically, I left it blank and yeah, I failed with flying colour. I failed my Math test as well, don't doubt because I only scored 6/25 #honest #notevenkidding

I missed out on school a lot, like seriously, 7 days because I was hospitalised for some biopsy test on a disease that I have - Kikuchi Fujimoto Disease, some lymph nodes shit but yeah, I'm still under lots of medications and consistent medical reviews. Plus 3 days of school because of grandma's funeral. I know I'm fucked up, both school and personally, too much stress to cope but I'm trying to live my life to the fullest and stay happy. I trying to convince myself that I can believe that I'm able to stay strong, be happy, keep calm, manage my studies well, build up good relations with family and maintain friendships. But life is too much to worry on these little things and sometimes, I push myself too hard, I can't even catch my breath, which is really scary.

In life, we probably shouldn't give ourselves so much stress and pressure. We shouldn't hate on others. I used to talk about discrimination about the fat people, sad people, different races people etc but how true can it be that we WILL stop judging?? The answer is 98% impossible. Don't deny it so soon, admit it you judge even at the slightest thing a person do. How can we improve?? Bring the harm to the minimal and tell yourself that: We are humans, we all make errors. We are humans with different points, we can't judge and critisise without knowing why.

Instead, send love, not hate. If love was a poison, I would have died because of the young and immature times of me having countless of crushes in the past. * dramatic hysterical laughter * don't judge jeez, I know that's so dumb and crazy of me. Years down the road, as you grow, you'll learn new things and make new friends. People come and go, that's normal, even if you don't want them to leave, they will still go one day. No matter what, you've to learn that the hard way, Though family is the one who will stay with you the longest, everyone will age and die. even you will die one day.

Why are we born?? Why are we born just to study, get good results for certificate to survive in the cruel and materialistic world?? What's the point of us living on Earth, which will vanish one day?? What's the point of getting married, have children and let them get to see the day of World's doom?? What exactly is our motive of being alive?? Aren't these doubts you wished to clarify but no one seems to be giving the answer you want?? What's the point of our existence?? For more talented people to mark the World's history?? After we died, all's left are black and white papers, worthless words only.

I don't know the answers to these questions too. Do you??

All I know is that, life is short and it's a rare fate that we can meet these people that we have now, these people we call FAMILY, FRIENDS, LOVERS. We might not get to the next life with the same people, or do the same things. We should all step up the game and change for the better, improve your life and lead your ideal life. Worry less and just enjoy the benefits of living. Live your life, explore, don't just exist. Remember, every life is precious, don't waste your youth and time on useless stuff like crying over your broken relationship. Instead, stand up and fight for your rights to be happy. No one deserves to make you feel redundant. No one deserves to tell you you're suppose to be dead. Stop letting people manipulate you. No one should obstruct your road to happiness. You are the key to the knots in your heart, Let go of the unhappiness, exhale the past, embrace the sunshine. inhale the future.

I believe in you. You're capable of making yourself happy too.

Don't give up, xoxo!!


Have a great year ahead (:


-Eileen.

Time-restricted Love

Hi guys, i'd have to apologise in advance for this post is gonna be a depressing one. You've been warned so i'm fine if you don't wanna read this.

I know i've mentioned that i wanna start anew with happy posts but i can't. Please just tolerate me on this one and pardon me.

Things are like getting worse after each year. I don't wanna mention my pasts.

So this post is about my beloved grandmom.

My grandmother is an amazing, beautiful, awesome, kind-hearted, noble and one & only. She always gives us the best, regardless getting nothing in return, not a word of thank you for the food she cooked, regardless of eating the cold leftovers, she would still leave the best and hot dishes for us. (( ^ sorry if those didn't make gramatical sense ))

She used to pick me up around 6 plus in the evening when i'm at the child care. She used to piggy back me home despite being fatigue when i'm sick and too lazy to walk home. She would bring me to the wet market and teach me how to see the freshness of fish, the nicest and juiciest fruits and vegetables and the wet market is where held our fondly memories. That's the place i grew up in, with her. I get to learn dialects and i get to meet her friends (aunties and uncles).

I recalled that there's once i got lost, but this friend of hers (an old uncle who has problem on his leg) comforted me and waited with me. At last when i saw her, she was panicked as well but was relieved when she saw me. It really was an impossible fear of losing her. That foreign feeling when you got lost with your family when you were just as young as 5 or 6 years old.

I used to sleep over at her house, sleep with her on her and grandpapa's bed. She would always make hot milo for me during supper and dip the cream crackers in. She likes to fried the chinese sticky cake with eggs for us. She likes to shop alot, especially during Chinese New Year. She would shop for those crackers, seafood, all sorts of goodies that are expensive and nice.

I used to help out at her kitchen though she likes to chase me out because she feared that i would get scalded. She often come out with excuses to chase me out, like helping her to clean the utencils, giving calls to my parents asking when they're coming back or remind grandpapa to buy newspaper. I used to snatch her job - "frying" chicken wings, vegetables or stir the soup and she would always pretend to be angry but still let me have the chance to "cook", unless i really screwed up and ruin her masterpiece.

I used to help her slice vegetables, deal with prawns, marinate chicken or fish and more, like passing her ingredients, helping to chop garlic/onions/gingers. She would give me tips about whatever the procedure is needed for whichever food.

She used to buy me pink piggybanks for my birthday and last year (2014) was the last time she celebrate my birthday with me and my family.

I will never be able to taste the curry fish head, vegeterian meals, sweet corn soup, loutus soup, herbal chicken soup, fried rice, salted cucumber with chilli, spicy thai mango, steamed fish, fried chicken wings, fried pork chop, fried fish, lady's fingers, salted prawns, spicy sambal fish/sotong and more and more.

She would always get me the best and nicest lunch for me to end school and come home to eat. She would use towel to wrap the food up to ensure it stays warm.

She is the best grandmama you would ever have. She is noble, so noble that she would bear all hardships and sufferings for herself. She hanged on for too long. She is my momma. If i have choice, i don't wanna let her go. But she's suffering, we don't have a choice. I just hope Buddha will take care of you. Please be safe and sound. Please take care. I don't wanna say goodbye.

I wanna feel your touch again. I wanna run into your embrace again. I want you to talk to me. Tell me it's gonna be alright. Tell me you'll be fine. Tell me you're gonna be in good care. Don't give up.

Ma, i love you 💞👼😔😙

xoxo

Happiness In The Air

Hi welcome back faithful friends!!

I've longed for blogging once again. Well i would like to clarify this if i hadn't in the previous >> Romeo and Juliet post >> that this year, 2015 will be a great year!! Let's start to enjoy and immerse ourselves in this joyous-yet-sad fast-moving-time train.

I would like to start everything anew so whatever lame shit i've mentioned in previously [2013-2014] please don't mind me. Just treat it like my growing up process, from maybe how bitchy i was to currently now, happy i guess.

^*^  HAPPINESS IN THE AIR OOSH  ^*^

Well the only thing that i wanna do this year is to stay happy, be happy and influence positively to my friends around. As y'all may know in my previous post i've got into a new class, not totally new but yeah mixture of kind and bad, lol jk. My friends are overally-nice (( if there's such a word *oops* ))

I wanna keep my blog lively and hyper and just lighten up, i'm gonna make this a happy blog.

Alright, so i really have no idea what to put for the title... jeez

So let's start this happily. As you're reading through this blog post, turn up your favourite song. It can be jazz, hip hop, classical, sad or happy, it doesn't matter. After you've tuned up your music, FEEL.

Feel the emotions you're feeling right now.

How does the music make you feel?? Sad or happy or emotional or crazy?? What comes to your mind when the lyrics start to flow through??

Do you mind if you just break down in front of a stranger if you thought of something personal and it really hurts you but you're still in the crowded sea of humans??

Well remember what you are feeling now, embrace those emotions --- be it raw or nah, embarce and feel it. That's hormones acting strangely (i guessed) yes i know ^ that was weird but, this feelings are precious as Gem. Hold on to it because life is precious and life is so short that the next time you wouldn't be able to feel the same.

^ i think i've lost track of what i wanted to say ^

But, overall stay happy guys!! Life will be fun if you step out of your comfort zoneeeee!!!!!!!!

[ Watch your steps and see where the path leads you too!! Don't give up (: ]

I don't want this blog post to be so emotional, lame or bad. Just chill and spend a few minutes reading my update. Hope you guys liked this!!

Will update soon >>

Best wishes to all,

xoxo Eileen (: