Hi all, so I'm back with a new post. Special shoutout to that anonymous who left a message at my previous post, asking me to stay strong --- thank you so much, that little gesture did made me feel a little better (:
Chinese New Year isn't that joyous this year, well maybe because none of us is in the mood and I've got lots of homework to catch up. I failed my Chemistry test, which I barged into class 10 or 15 minutes after they started the test, I only have like 10 minutes to do the test, besides I didn't know about it so technically, I left it blank and yeah, I failed with flying colour. I failed my Math test as well, don't doubt because I only scored 6/25 #honest #notevenkidding
I missed out on school a lot, like seriously, 7 days because I was hospitalised for some biopsy test on a disease that I have - Kikuchi Fujimoto Disease, some lymph nodes shit but yeah, I'm still under lots of medications and consistent medical reviews. Plus 3 days of school because of grandma's funeral. I know I'm fucked up, both school and personally, too much stress to cope but I'm trying to live my life to the fullest and stay happy. I trying to convince myself that I can believe that I'm able to stay strong, be happy, keep calm, manage my studies well, build up good relations with family and maintain friendships. But life is too much to worry on these little things and sometimes, I push myself too hard, I can't even catch my breath, which is really scary.
In life, we probably shouldn't give ourselves so much stress and pressure. We shouldn't hate on others. I used to talk about discrimination about the fat people, sad people, different races people etc but how true can it be that we WILL stop judging?? The answer is 98% impossible. Don't deny it so soon, admit it you judge even at the slightest thing a person do. How can we improve?? Bring the harm to the minimal and tell yourself that: We are humans, we all make errors. We are humans with different points, we can't judge and critisise without knowing why.
Instead, send love, not hate. If love was a poison, I would have died because of the young and immature times of me having countless of crushes in the past. * dramatic hysterical laughter * don't judge jeez, I know that's so dumb and crazy of me. Years down the road, as you grow, you'll learn new things and make new friends. People come and go, that's normal, even if you don't want them to leave, they will still go one day. No matter what, you've to learn that the hard way, Though family is the one who will stay with you the longest, everyone will age and die. even you will die one day.
Why are we born?? Why are we born just to study, get good results for certificate to survive in the cruel and materialistic world?? What's the point of us living on Earth, which will vanish one day?? What's the point of getting married, have children and let them get to see the day of World's doom?? What exactly is our motive of being alive?? Aren't these doubts you wished to clarify but no one seems to be giving the answer you want?? What's the point of our existence?? For more talented people to mark the World's history?? After we died, all's left are black and white papers, worthless words only.
I don't know the answers to these questions too. Do you??
All I know is that, life is short and it's a rare fate that we can meet these people that we have now, these people we call FAMILY, FRIENDS, LOVERS. We might not get to the next life with the same people, or do the same things. We should all step up the game and change for the better, improve your life and lead your ideal life. Worry less and just enjoy the benefits of living. Live your life, explore, don't just exist. Remember, every life is precious, don't waste your youth and time on useless stuff like crying over your broken relationship. Instead, stand up and fight for your rights to be happy. No one deserves to make you feel redundant. No one deserves to tell you you're suppose to be dead. Stop letting people manipulate you. No one should obstruct your road to happiness. You are the key to the knots in your heart, Let go of the unhappiness, exhale the past, embrace the sunshine. inhale the future.
I believe in you. You're capable of making yourself happy too.
Don't give up, xoxo!!
Have a great year ahead (:
-Eileen.
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