The "One"

A big HELLO to all my readers out there. First of all, i would like to apologise for not being able to blog consistently and please do forgive me. I know it has been almost a year since i last blogged.

Alright, so lets get started with " The 'One' " as stated at the top. What comes to your mind when you see The 'One' ?? I'm going to take a bold move and suggest this:
"Obviously you're talking about a person of the opposite gender whom you like or who likes you."

Well, it's not that kind of relationship. Basically, it's just friendship. If You're seeing this after i blogged it, You'll probably think that You know who i'm writing about but let's not make assumptions, shall we??

So, friends, best friends, close friends or best still, the label: more than friends but less than a couple ; what came to your mind when you see these words?? Or rather, who came to your mind when these words appear before you on your screen?? I supposed everyone have had or have these kind of friends. I supposed everyone dislike/hate unsaid goodbyes, things left off awkwardly, broke things off in a not-so-civil way or those kind that said feelings just ran out.

Well, i'm not going to tell you that it doesn't hurt to be left behind, by someone who gives you so much to remember and someone you never want to forget. Because it does. It hurts. It hurts a lot. Moreover, when this/these important someone/people leaves you for good and you know that it's impossible to patch back, you'll probably find yourself in a struggle to pick your broken pieces up, all by yourself. The memories you once had with the person/people, just come back to haunt you.

You break down every night, wishing things could become better or even wished that things hadn't come to that stage. I guess i took it hard, when one of my most important close friend left. I know i was being unreasonable, or not being sensitive to him but he once replied that "I'm sorry i got close with other people." Thus, i was the one who left behind. I hadn't known how he felt when he decided to just forget about the friendship we had or when I called things off.

Friends around him and friends around me, maybe most of them would be on his side. Maybe i was the one with the issues. Those nights, he kept apologising, "I'm sorry i..." & "Maybe we..."

His action of leaving surprised me but that wasn't the reason i was heartbroken and devastated. * indeed, the word heartbroken may mislead y'all thinking I HAD A CRUSH ON HIM but I DO NOT, I REPEAT, I DO NOT LIKE HIM IN THAT SENSE. *

He said something like: Maybe we shouldn't have started this friendship.

I understand people come and go, nobody stays forever. Even people age and die. Even memories fade. Even flowers that just bloom, wilt and die. Every single human i meet in different stages of my life, i treat them equally, with the same respect, care and concern. As long as we're considered as aquintances, schoolmates, classmates, friends, best friends or close friends, i would wish you 'Happy Birthday'. I would text you if i know that you're sad, or if you need someone to talk to. I would sacrifice my time if you need me to be present, physically, with you at some place to talk. I would care for you if you're sick. I would take down notes and homework for you. I would do anything, as long as it's within my capability.

For you, i would.

He made me feel redundant. He made me feel that all my heart and soul and trust was misplaced. The first time we talked was that night when we reached Singapore. The first time we ever went out together, if i'm not wrong, was to his Aunt's office. We had a study date together, along with a friend. The first time i had laid my hands on a guitar was at his aunt's office. The first time i had bought a guitar because i want to practice and learn the chords he taught me. The first time we went out alone was when he needed me. We talked everyday since that flight landed. We text in school. We see each other on bus almost everyday. We called each other names. We would sit at the benches, trying to study in the morning. He would buy me chocolates and stuff. I would write encouraging notes. We would argue because of how his friends view us as an item. We would sit together at Starbucks to study. He would tell me all about cars.

As i'm typing this, guess what. The memories flowed back as i recalled about him and the things we do. Fun; memorable; awkward; this friendship was just like that.

Maybe we both gave each other something to remember, a lesson learnt and a chance of growing up. Maybe we both gave each other a piece of ourselves that we hold deeply to, and in return, we hurt ourselves. Maybe we both don't deserve each other. Maybe, it was at the wrong time to meet the wrong person. Maybe.

So what if things go wrong?? So what if you give the wrong pieces of yourself to someone who don't deserve it?? It'd okay. It's perfectly okay. You just grow and mature from it. It's just a lesson learnt that will benefit you. We need to learn to let go, let go of what hurts. We need to learn to accept what has happened and move on. Life has so much expectancy on us. Why stop at the moment and never move on, to greater heights?? Why let someone affect you this much??

Before i really got to know about the real him, i was better off without him. Now, i'm just awoken from the dream and it's time to face the reality. We're all back to square one. It's time to let go, accept and move on.

Am i:
Heartbroken?? Yes.
Sad?? Yes.
Angry?? Maybe.
Confused?? Yes.
Hate him?? No.

I'm trying to stay positive and happy. And less awkward when i see him. I'm trying to lead my life. I'm improving daily, even though at times the memories come back and pull me down again. It doesn't matter. I guess it doesn't matter to me anymore because i'm able to pull myself up, and move on. Being happy and positive, that's my agenda. Being really happy, that's my target. Because being really happy, i'm real. I don't need to hide or mask my emotions.

Being really happy, makes me happy.

Thank you guys, for going through this with me.

Eileen
xoxo